is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
