I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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