I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
