you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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