Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
