Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
