dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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