I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You smell like stripper and shame
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
