And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this boner is exhausting
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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