Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
