so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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