he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
