did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
