Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
