Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
