I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
