maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
