So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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