I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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