My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
