You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
