If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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