I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
