my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
