everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
