I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
