I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just high enough for therapy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
