the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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