..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
