i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
