Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
