Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
