i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
