Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
