I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
