hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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