DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
