K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
