The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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