During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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