He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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