She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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