after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
