return my video game
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
