I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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