all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
