I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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