I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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