New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
