If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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