I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
