i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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