So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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